Thank God he didn't give away his jockstrap

(Credit for the title goes to my brother)

I know he's married to a woman who used to be a bubblegum pop band, but I can't say I've ever 'gotten' the hysterical schoolgirl crush that so much of the world seems to have on celebrity brand (and occasional soccer player) David Beckham.

He's always been a mediocre soccer player, except for his ability to cross the ball or take a free kick. He's not particularly good looking. In sharp contrast to other sporting brands like Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods, Beckham is not particularly charismatic. When you hear him talk, he sounds like he's reading a script (which he probably is) most of the time and like a doofus when he's not.

It's one thing to fight over a million dollar baseball, the premise of which is absurd enough. But even by the standards of lunatic sports fans with no perspective and parents who act like children, this is still pretty lame.