The power of the Punch

Watching the Stanley Cup final, you probably thought the triumph of my Bruins was down to Tim Thomas' amazing goaltending, hard-working forwards and the generous hospitality of Vancouver's defenders and goalie. I'm here to tell you it's just an illusion. In fact, the Bruins' Stanley Cup victory was proof positive of the power of Hawaiian Punch.

When I was in high school, I drank nothing but Hawaiian Punch. Lord knows why. It probably has more crap in it than a McDonald's McNugget. But I was addicted to the stuff. It was my superstition to drink it around gametime. The Punch became the official drink of the Stanley Cup finals. During that time period, the Bruins made it to a pair of Stanley Cup finals and went deep into the playoffs every single year. Coincidence? I think not. Proof?

By the time I got to college, I outgrew my taste for the drink. And the Bruins became crap, with the occasional foray into the choking domain. After 1992, the team never once made it even to the conference finals. Some blame it on the demise of the Wales Conference and the identity-shattering re-naming of the league's groups with boring geographical references. But I know better. I'd betrayed the Punch.

This season, the Punch reprised its role as the official drink of the Stanley Cup playoffs. The B's became the first team ever to win three Games 7 in one playoff series and won their first Cup in my lifetime. In a nod to tradition, I drank a glass of the Punch to start each period of Game 7. This ritual so emasculated the Canucks that they knew the jig was up and played like it. Why do you think the first place targeted by Vancouver rioters after the game was the Hawaiian Punch merchandise store.

As Zdeno Chara hoisted the big mug to celebrate, I hoisted my own mug, downed it and saluted the Punch. I shall never again doubt its power.




He knows its awesome power.

Are you ready for some hockey?!

Every year, the New York state high school ice hockey championships (semifinals and finals in two divisions), aka 'states,' are held in Utica. I wonder why the Glens Falls Civic Center doesn't bid for this tournament.

It would fit perfectly into the Civic Center's calendar. Hockey states are held the week after basketball sectionals and the week before basketball states, when the venue is usually vacant.

And the tournament would likely have good local representation to help attendance. Hockey is fairly big in this area. Either Glens Falls or Queensbury has made it to hockey states 7 times in the last 9 years. Area schools like LaSalle (Albany) and Shenendehowa (Clifton Park) also regularly advance far.

Glens Falls' biggest selling point would have to be that it's not Utica, a dumpy, crime-ridden city. The Troy of Central NY, if you well. The Civic Center is both bigger and nicer than the Memorial Auditorium in Utica.

Since the AHL unfortnuately isn't going to return permanently to tiny Glens Falls, especially when it's struggling in much bigger Albany, Hometown USA would do well to bid for this tournament.

Hell hath no fury like the parent of a wannabe prima donna athlete scorned

The high school hockey hazing scandal I reported and commented on earlier still hasn't made the local paper's print edition, but through no fault of the daily. The Post-Star has contacted several of the parties, including one of my sources, but are having trouble getting anyone to talk on the record. And this is understandable. The victim's parents wants to protect their kid from further harassment. The perpetrators' parents presumably don't want their family name dragged through the mud... though if charges are pressed, this will happen anyway. The administration is trying to cover its rear end over what appears to be gross negligence over the course of several years.

However, while the paper hasn't got enough information for a print story, it has posted some information on its high school hockey blog (both here and here). The school district in question, as some readers of my blog have already figured out, is South Glens Falls.

I'm not going to re-hash the whole issue again. But I will say this. In the paper's hockey blog, I made the following prediction:

The worst part about it is that when the Post-Star is finally able to publish this article, we all know exactly what’s going to happen: the persecution complex. There will be tons of letters blaming the evil paper for slandering the town and attacking the poor innocent perps. The real victim (kid who was subjected to it) is going to get even more crap than he is now. Worst of all, the perps are going to be treated as martyrs. There’s going to be mass amnesia about who actually did something wrong, who had wrong done to them and who was exposing the wrong. You can take it to the bank that this lunacy is what’ll happen.

That was the third comment on that particular entry. The following ten comments contain several examples proving me right... even before the print article has been published.

There was plenty of idiocy in these comments that I won't bother re-hashing. But there is one that I can't ignore.

I read many political blogs and forums. I've read hundreds of crazy, assinine, mind boggling comments over the years. I've received the occassional screed comment on this blog. I have a pretty thick skin for that sort of thing. But this comment by someone calling themselves "SGF Parent" made me lose it:

The student who was “victimized” was also a participant. Don’t you think ALL students involved should be suspended? That would include the one who spoke out…otherwise this punishment is discriminatory - and what kind of lesson does that teach our children?

So let's recap: the victim was also a "participant" so he should be suspended for being victimized? The kid who spoke out* against both the school's athletic code of conduct and the law should be suspended too?

(*-according to my sources, the kid who spoke out was not the victim.)

Just think about this for a second.

A kid who was repeatedly assaulted should be punished for being repeatedly assaulted.

A kid who spoke out about this repeated illegal activity should also be punished for speaking out about this repeated illegal activity.

Now if your jaw didn't break when it hit the ground and you're still conscious, what is your reaction?

My reaction is that the perps should be thankful they were only suspended and had their asses thrown in jail for their felony behavior.

If this scumbag is telling his/her son that this sort obscene anti-social behavior is perfectly acceptable, that the son can assault people repeatedly and then say it was the victim's fault, then the parent should have his/her children taken away and should not be allowed to reproduce anymore.

One of the reasons some kids commit suicide (or go Columbine) is because disgraceful human beings like "SGF Parent" excuse, or even justify, the sort of repeated degradation suffered by this South High hockey player.

As far as I'm concerned, "SGF Parent" and those who share those sentiments can go hell. Maybe the conduct down there will be more to their liking.

Update: According to sources, the South High coach apparently did quite a bit of investigating on his own about the shenanigans that had gone on even before he took over and continued. But he was hamstrung by the odd structure of the program: parents and fundraising finance the team. So the coach's authority to reprimand players was undermined by this funding structure. Additionally, I've learned that parents of a few of the perpetrators are livid at their children... which I suppose holds out a little hope that sanity might prevail.

Boys will piss on boys

According to multiple sources of mine, there were hazing incidents with high school ice hockey team of a nearby town.

Apparently, a bunch of the team "leaders" knocked one of the kids down in the showers and collectively urinated on him.

The victim didn't say anything to anyone, presumably because of the humiliation. But one of the other kids, observing but not participating, told his parents and word quickly spread. The "leaders" did other things to the victim but this was the worst. They allegedly committed similar acts against other players on the team. Or should I say "team."

The victim's mom made the coach aware of the incident with her son and demanded action. She would've accepted the perpetrators (I suppose I should say alleged perpetrators, for legal reasons) being suspended for a few games each.

Instead, the punishment was the kids had to skate laps.

ALL of the kids, not just the alleged perpetrators. Including the victim.

(And even though it shouldn't matter, the team is horrible... not surprisingly considering the "team bonding" activities. It was 1-14 on the year so far. So it's not like suspending these kids would have prevented them from their inevitable state championship.)

The victim's mom was angry at the coach's inaction so she went to the athletic director. The AD pooh-poohed her complaint with the incomprehensibly stupid comment that these things have been going on for a while.

By this point, the mother is livid and went further up the administrative food chain.

After an amazingly quick investigation (for a school district that's ridiculously dysfunctional... but that's another entry), they find out that this sort of thing had been going on repeatedly. Just as the athletic director admitted.

The manure hit the ventilator, as they say.

It hasn't hit the local media yet but I'm sure it will in the next few days.

According to my sources, the alleged perpetrators were kicked off the team and suspended them from school for a week. Because the coach wouldn't deal with it himself as the mother had wanted, state law kicked in once it got to the higher ups. This will go on their permanent record.

Between the kids kicked off the team and the kids who were pulled off the team by disgusted parents, there were only seven kids left. So the team's season is apparently over*.

In a sane world, people would applaud the administrators for standing up for decency and the town's and school's honor by punishing deviant behavior. In a sane town, people would applaud administrators for demanding their athletes respect the code of conduct that EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM (and their parents!!!) signed.

But even in this hardly sane world, this town is less sane than most. This is a town that takes a jackass who was kicked out of a youth soccer league for slamming a kid against a wall and elects him to the school board.

So is it really any surprise that the reactions to the hockey team's demise are: blame the victim; boys will be boys; being pissed on by seven different people is no big deal.

This is not the only thing that makes this school district a disgrace. Every year, I see more examples of this town's idiocy. Last year, I was at a middle school soccer game involving this school and saw scumbag parents berating a ref because he stopped an attacking rush to deal with an injured kid. An injured 12 year old. An injured kid WHO WAS ON THEIR OWN TEAM.

Every year, I see different players on this school's various teams, different coaches, different parents. Yet the unsportsmanlike behavior by all remains the same. There are good people in this town. But the culture of the place is just rotten, nay poisonous.

What is the reaction of one of the parents who maintains the hockey team website:

DO TO THE THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED TO THE TEAM IN THE LAST FEW DAYS, I WILL NOT BE DOING THIS WEB SITE ANYMORE. THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE DISMANTALED THIS TEAM SHOULD THINK ABOUT WHAT THEY HAVE DONE. TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE IT RIGHT. THE WHOLE TEAM IS SUFFERING FOR WHAT WAS A IN MY MIND A HARMLESS ACT. I HAVE BEEN A BULLDOG MY WHOLE LIFE, AND IT HURTS ME TO SEE THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPEN! IF THIS AFENDS ANYONE I AM SORRY FOR THAT , BUT I HAVE SEEN THIS GO ON FOR 7 YEARS NOW AND I AM TIRED OF IT. REMEBER THEY STILL ARE BOY'S

I WISH ALL THE BOYS GOOD LUCK AND HOPE THEY REMEBER WHAT HAPPENED AND LEARN FROM IT.

(note that this is exactly how it was published. maybe the person would've been better served by spending the last 7 years studying grammar and spelling instead of watching hockey)

The victim's mom is now a pariah for blowing the whistle and make sure the right thing is done, for making sure other kids don't suffer what her son got done to him. I'm sure her son is getting crap from his former teammates, as though they were the victims and he was the one who did something wrong.

I knew this was going to happen. It's happened in places with far more class than this town. But it still infuriates me.

There's a certain amount of "boys will be boys" I can accept. Snapping towels at each other. Maybe putting Icy Hot in someone's jock. Fun with Vaseline (it's not what you think... or is it?). This might merit some kind of punishment like laps or whatever but not suspension.

However, there's a line you have to draw. And wherever you draw that line, forcing your bodily waste fluids on someone else is on the wrong side of it.

While you may not be surprised when kids do stupid things, you don't excuse it. You expect the adults to be responsible. Don't demand the kids be sent to the electric chair but insist they accept the consequences like men.

Instead, these idiot parents (not all of them but some of them) are teaching their kids wonderful lessons. Like don't keep your promises... the promises that both the kids AND the parents agreed to in signing the codes of conduct. Like your word means nothing. Like blame someone else when you screw up. Like actions don't have consequences in the real world some of them will be entering in a few months. Like pissing on someone is no big deal. Like COMMITTING A CRIMINAL ACT is no big deal.

Truly the apples don't fall far from the tree. The kids are stupid (and malicious... make no mistake about it, it was a bullying power trip not twisted humor). But as stupid as the kids may be, it's the parents who are the real disgrace.


*-Update: the team's coach told the local paper that the season would continue. So we shall see.

Fight night in Canada

Canada's CBC ran a fascinating piece about the country's national sport: ice hockey. Or more specifically about fighting in hockey, which might be its real national sport.

A former NHL 'enforcer' (goon) recently started a fighting academy. But it's not designed for young pros cutting their teeth in the minors or hot prospects in major juniors, but on kids aged 12-18.

The goon claimed that he wasn't actually teaching kids how to fight, but rather, "We're teaching kids how to protect themselves so they don't get hurt on the ice."

A spokesman for Hockey Canada, the sport's national governing body, pointed out that fighting is against youth hockey regulations, "especially for 12-year-olds."

This has inspired me to consider founding a school to teach young soccer players how to dive. I won't be teaching kids how to dive. I'll be teaching them how to protect themselves so they don't get injured while faking a injury!

Mediocrity perpetuated

Sadly, the once proud Boston Bruins have become a joke of a hockey club. The team made the Stanley Cup playoffs for an NHL record 29 consecutive years from the mid-60s through the mid-90s. But they have missed the playoffs for 4 of the last 7 and 5 of the last 10 seasons. They've won one playoff series since 1995. They'd won 12 series in the previous 7 seasons before that, making it to the Stanley Cup semifinals 4 times. Since the mid-90s, the Bruins have become mediocrity personified. A once great pro hockey town is now apathetic about the sport, thanks to a club run into the ground.

The Bruins fired head coach Dave Lewis earlier this month, but waited a good two months after the end of another pathetic regular season to do so. Most teams with common sense would've made that decision within a week or two.

But give the B's a little credit. They had a good reason for waiting so long. Rather than getting the organization's head out of its collective behind, the front office was concerned with far more important things: tweaking the team's logos.

Sure, it took them two months to figure out that their coach wasn't getting the job done, but how can you bet against a club that comes up with such breathtaking prose as this:


Each tweak and adjustment to the Bruins B-spoke is made for legibility, modernization and enhancement of a historic team and an icon of Boston.

Pathetic.