I'm not touching this one!

I wonder what it says that the top two most emailed stories at this moment on Yahoo News are... Penis theft panic hits city and Masturbation may prevent cancer.

I guess we have a pretty good idea of the predominant demographic of readers of Yahoo News.

The peril of too many pints

I guess there's not much to do in Britain

Just in the last five months, there have been stores in The Telegraph about British men facing charges for having public sex with...

-a vacuum cleaner (he was "vacuuming his underpants")

-a fence

-a bicycle

Me thinks the Brits should lay off the alcohol a little bit...

The oddball stories entry

-Scottish man orders illegal weapon by internet. Police find child porn on his computer during search.

-Sex offender wins MA lottery. The resulting publicity was greatly appreciated by police in CT, where he was convicted but whom he never informed he was moving out of state.

-The owner of a sex club in Leicester, England, is complaining that construction at a nearby theatre is hurting his business. "We've written to the [city] council three times. They haven't even acknowledged us. Anyone would think they were embarrassed that we happen to run a swingers' club opposite their expensive big theatre," the owner speculated, while demanding compensation for supposedly lost business. He added, "It's filthy, dirty, messy and we feel like we're being caged in." Seems like a perfect fit for his clientele!

-And The Scotsman daily has everything you never wanted to know about sex and the Scottish. Let's just say that the first paragraph of the story includes the word 'chocolate.' You were warned.