Blame Isaac Newton!

I was watching TV at the Y yesterday but someone else had the remote so I was forced to watch the Yankees game. Unfortunately, they were winning; fortunately, this doesn't happen as often as it used to.

But at least the announcers were tolerable this time (as opposed to the last time I'd watched a bit when they were going on and on and on about something Manny Ramirez had done several days prior... and they weren't even playing the Red Sox at the time).

Anyway, they somehow got onto the topic of instant replay. One of the announcers said something like, "I don't mind instant replay in baseball, if it doesn't take too long."

I snorted soda out of my nosing laughing. Because when you're suffering through a 4 hour, 9 inning baseball game, your top priority must be to avoid the horror of having to spend an extra 90 seconds for the umps to get a call right!

I don't care strongly about instant replay. It makes sense in baseball, if it's designed the right way. But the amount of time it would add to the game is miniscule compared to other things.

If you really care about shortening the interminably long MLB games, they should go to the high school rule where the batter is not allowed to step out of the batter's box after a pitch if it's caught by the catcher. The at-bat routine of some players may be comical, but it makes baseball games last forever... and unwatchable on TV in their full form.

If a game's going to last an extra 90 seconds, I want it to be because the umps got a big call right, not because a jacked up hitter needed to spit tobacco juice, undo his batting glove and re-arrange his jock.

**

Sometimes you wonder how some people get jobs as sports announcers, a profession that you'd think would require a degree of coherence.

I was watching the US-Canada Olympic women's quarterfinal match a few days ago. At one point, announcer Brandi Chastain criticized the US team for 'playing too many negative passes.' She went on to explain that if the US couldn't break down Canada in the attacking half, they should bang the ball (forward) to the corners instead of playing it backwards.

The idea of turning a soccer match into a track meet is unfortunately the accepted 'conventional wisdom' in American soccer circles. Americans tend to believe that soccer should be first and foremost about athleticism instead of extravagancies like... foot skills.

That's not what good coaching focuses on but that's what American coaching tends to emphasize.

Ok, so be it.

But then only a few minutes later, Chastain complains about the US' inability to possess the ball and says they shouldn't be impatient. If they don't have anything, they should pass the ball back to the keeper and reset the play.

MAKE UP YOUR BLOODY MIND!

I've heard her speak in person and she's very intelligent and well-spoken. Few people on Earth have won more major international soccer trophies. But if you don't know what position to take, at least pick a side and stick with it! Or better yet, keep your mouth shut.

**

Some people like sports announcers who are unabashedly biased in favor of the home squad. They're called 'homers.' Some of the most beloved announcers in US sports history have been homers. The most (in)famous of them being the late Cubs' voice Harry Caray.

I've never really understood the desire to listen to people who are nothing more than fans with microphones. If I wanted to listen to Joe Six Pack spout off ignorantly, I'd watch the game at a bar. The point of having TV announcers is to bring something that the ordinary fan can't get by watching on his own.

I loathe announcers who insult my intelligence. If Joe Homeboy takes a cheap shot at his opponent, I'm yelling at him for doing something stupid and costing my team. I don't want to listen to some a** kisser saying he got screwed by the officials or that he was 'unlucky.' Have the balls to say he took a cheap shot at the other guy. If I see something plain as day with my own two eyes, don't tell me I saw something else.

The Boston Bruins' old color guy Derek Sanderson was infamous for that. When an opponent took a cheap shot at a Boston player, he'd scream with outrage and demand the guy be expelled from the league and castrated to boot. When a Boston player did the exact same thing, he'd chuckle, "Boys will be boys."

I'm a Bruins' fan but I couldn't stand him. The only saving grace was that he was partnered with Hall of Fame announcer Fred Cusick, who was the epitome of class in broadcasting... except for the very end when he descended into homerism himself.

New England's soccer team has a similar odd couple: the best color guy in the league (Greg Lalas) combined with the most shameless, Kool-Aid drinking, propaganda spewing suckup in the league (Brad Feldman).

I was watching New England's match in San Jose on Saturday, though it was with San Jose's broadcasting crew. Every time a New England player went down, the SJ color man whined about it being a 'dive.' A SJ defender kicked the ankle of the NE forward who fell down. Not hard, but there was enough contact that the smaller NE player, going at full speed weaving through the defense, was knocked over. But the color guy didn't seem to notice the kick, so of course it was a 'dive.'

Get a clue!

Listen, I hate diving as much as anyone. I think it's an affront to the game. BUT... just because a player goes down doesn't mean it's a dive... even if the contact appears to be minimal.

Think about it. You're running as fast as you can, trying to stay balanced enough to closely control a soccer ball with your feet. This is hard enough to do when there's nobody around. Try it sometime if you think otherwise.

You're probably a little smaller because those players tend to be quicker. If you're going at top speed, it doesn't take much contact to knock you off balance, especially when you're trying to stay close enough to the ball and especially if you're smaller.

There certainly is real diving that occurs in soccer. But not every time a guy goes to ground is a dive. Sometimes is nothing more than the LAWS OF PHYSICS.